Fall is a hard time of year for me. Jeff and i did so much fun stuff in the fall, sometimes it was just enjoying the fall colors. Most years we would have a big pumpkin party, complete with a trip to the pumpkin patch. I loved that, I enjoyed the prep work for the party and I enjoyed the fun time that we shared with friends.
I know that I can still entertain on my own, but its not the same, at all. There is no one to stay up late with frantically cleaning the house. No one to help. No one to share in that sense of satisfaction after all the guests leave. I miss it.
I am content with my life now, but I still wish it was different. I often say “I want my life back” my life with Jeff. I miss him. The kids miss him.
Since he died I have lived my life, I have tried to live life to the fullest. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I curl up in my nice warm bed and pull the covers over my head. And sometimes I just want to scream “Why me??!!”
But still, everyday I wake up and wonder “what will today bring?” I look at everyday as a gift, a gift from God.