Laura's Zoo Up North, with Bears, Moose and Wolves

jenny, the blogess

lauraszoo — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 00:58:47 +0000

so, while ive been feeling all hum-bug-ish, and wallowing in my own bath of self-pity Jenny (the blogess) has been spreading lots of christmas joy all over the world. on her blog she has matched up people who have christmas needs with people who want to help. at last count I think she had coordinated helping out like 800 people. amazing. that really makes me smile. I like her!

check it out, the comments will make you cry http://thebloggess.com/

Ho Ho Ho!

lauraszoo — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 01:16:58 +0000

Trying to keep the “happy face” on.

Trying to keep the house merry and bright.

Trying to not cry.

Trying to not miss Jeff too much.

Trying to establish a “new” normal.

Trying to focus on the good.

We got the stupid tree up, after two weeks of Sally begging. I pretty much let the kids do it all. It looks a little bit “odd”, but the munchkins are happy. Every year I debate putting up the “memorial” ornaments. Each year the girls want to place Jeff’s funeral program on the tree. Ugh! No fair!

but… I’m working on the happy face 8) <—-see

I can do it!!

focus

lauraszoo — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 01:31:30 +0000

I have decided to put my focus on a few things.

1. Instead of focusing on what was taken from me, I will focus on what was/is given.

2. I can not control my circumstances, but I can control my reactions to these circumstances. I get to choose how I react.

3. Stupid and cheerful is always a great plan B.

It’s been 3 years

lauraszoo — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 14:39:31 +0000

ya know, I never thought I’d make it this far. I never imagined I’d be saying “My husband died three years ago” But here I am, saying it. They (whomever “they” are) say time heals all wounds, but they are wrong. Time doesn’t “heal”. Time adds distance, but doesn’t magically make thing all better. “Time” keeps moving forward… Time is one of those things that doesn’t stop when I want it to, it doesn’t slow down and wait for me to catch up, it doesn’t pause when I want to stay in bed and cry. It keeps going…putting distance between my old life with Jeff and this “now” life. All I can do is try and keep up, try and stay in the “now”. Live in the now and look to the future. Oh, it’s fun to visit the past, but thats not where I live, and it seems like the more time I spend visiting the past the harder it is to live in my “now”. Kinda like when you go on vacation, the work doesn’t stop, you still have to do it all when you get back. I’m not sure where I am going with this post.

It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, 3years and 7 days since Jeff died. The kids are…Hmm…where are they? Juli, Sam and Sally are playing in the basement. They have a “fort town” down there. Ben spent the night at “naughty kid’s” house, and Joe is still sleeping. This afternoon I will attempt to put up Christmas decorations. I’ll put on my “everything is peachy” outfit, it goes well with my “everything is fine” smile and deck the halls. Fa-la-la-la… and I will once again wonder what to do with all the Jeff ornaments. I will be sucked back into past Christmas’ some make me smile, but some make me cry.

I hate this time of year, but I can do it

Weathering the storm

lauraszoo — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 13:29:37 +0000

Ya know how when you are watching the weather channel and they predict storms you think “Yuck”. You aren’t quite sure what to expect. You tend to think back to the last storm and wonder if it will be that severe, or you may think back to the worst storm you ever experienced and wonder if it will be as horible. You also may think back to the worst storm you ever heard about and hope it’s not nearly as tramatic.

One think I “like” about being a widow and having “weathered” the worst storm imagineable is that now I just think to myself… “Hmmm…it can’t be nearly as bad as losing my husband, so whatever it is will be okay” Once you’ve made it through the worst everything else is a bump in the road. Kind of odd, but yet also kind of comforting.

There is no real point to this post, just a random thought, maybe I’ll expand on later, but for now, I’ll simply ponder…

I hope this week brings you all great big belly laughs and quiet moments of contentment.

Fall

lauraszoo — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:38:39 +0000

Fall is a hard time of year for me. Jeff and i did so much fun stuff in the fall, sometimes it was just enjoying the fall colors. Most years we would have a big pumpkin party, complete with a trip to the pumpkin patch. I loved that, I enjoyed the prep work for the party and I enjoyed the fun time that we shared with friends.

I know that I can still entertain on my own, but its not the same, at all. There is no one to stay up late with frantically cleaning the house. No one to help. No one to share in that sense of satisfaction after all the guests leave. I miss it.

I am content with my life now, but I still wish it was different. I often say “I want my life back” my life with Jeff. I miss him. The kids miss him.

Since he died I have lived my life, I have tried to live life to the fullest. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I curl up in my nice warm bed and pull the covers over my head. And sometimes I just want to scream “Why me??!!”

But still, everyday I wake up and wonder “what will today bring?” I look at everyday as a gift, a gift from God.

Miners

lauraszoo — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 13:50:34 +0000

I am so happy for the miners in chile. I stayed up all night watching as they brought each one to the surface. I went through so many tissures, crying and smiling in equal ammounts. Can you imagine being the miners being brought up? How odd to “rejoin” the world after being away for 2 months. Can you imagine being the wives and families of the guys? To finally have your loved one back in your arms… Ahhh…

And the wonders of technology, to be able to accomplish this amazing feat. The ability to be able to keep them alive for 2 months at 2000 ft below ground. I love it! I love the geeks and nerds of this world. Soo stinking cool!!!

I Like:

lauraszoo — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 15:13:25 +0000

I like that no matter how old I feel the acne fairy still leaves me little pimples on occasion.

I like how Sally always wakes up all bright and cheery, as soon as the sun rises, even on Saturdays.

I like how when my teenagers need money they are the sweetest boys.

I like how when I go to Juli’s school conferances it like they are talking about a totally different child than the one I live with.

I love Sam’s puppy dog eyes, especially when he uses them for good instead of evil.

I like how even though I am 35 years old I still have to “sneak” in when I come home late, so I don’t wake up my dad.

I like how God keeps suprising me with all these crazy plans for my life.

I like Chipotle, wait… I love Chipotle.

I really like backpacking Glacier National Park.

I like how my bed is always ready to love me.

I like Spongebob squarepants.

There, I did it!

Have a fan-tab-u-lous day!!

This is what I dislike…

lauraszoo — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 04:54:21 +0000

Im going to complain, cuz I can. This is really a list of things I hate, I would have used that in the title, but hate sounds so negitive. By Golly tho, I’m feeling negitive.

I dislike Hate:

when I cant sleep at night

Grammer, spelling, and punctuation

when joe shuffles through my underware drawer to find my secret stash of cookies

TEENAGERS, especially when they belong to me and think they know everything

when my kids sneak into my bed, when I am not home, with their stinky socks on

when said kids eat crummy stuff (like my secret underware drawer cookies) in my bed

Road construction, especially that cute girl who holds the stop sign and gets paid like $30/hr. Really? I’d hold that sign for $25/hr

being widowed (life is soo not fair)

being a solo parent

dirty dishes

There, I feel better now. Tomorrow I’ll make a list if things I like…Ohhhh I’m so excited.

Sweet dreams! Hug your sweetie n kiss your kids 8)

Oh My…It’s been almost a year

lauraszoo — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:09:37 +0000

Well hello again!

I think it’s time for an update. The kids and I have been living in a suburb of the Twin Cities, great neighborhood, great schools, great church. My dad moved into a corner of my basement a little more than a year ago. It’s nice having him with us, although it is a bit weird living with my dad sometimes. The kids enjoy having him here and he enjoys the kids.

The kids are all growing and healthy. Ben is 16 now (gasp), I have no idea how he got so old. Joe is 15, Juli is 11 (in middle school) sam is 8 and sally (otherwise known as Sauper Sal) is 6. They (so far) have all started school on the right foot.

I am working on going back to school, I need to investigate more financial aid options. Maybe Ben and I can go to college together, he’d like that I bet.

So this is just a small taste of whats been going on, I WILL keep the blog updated. Writing is great threapy. Stay tuned!!