Monday was a snow day here so all the kids were home.  They all had a blast in the snow.  I, on the other hand, did nothing at all.  This cold I have has been really tough on me.  So tough that on Monday I had the boys watch kids while I took a nap.  I felt better after some sleep (and cold meds).  I managed to make it through bath time with out Jeff.  I didn’t want to, but the kids really needed it.  Bath time was always a “tag-team” event at our house.  It was always a fun time.  I hated to break the tradition, but I have no choice now.  We all survived.

Today, it’s been two weeks since he was last here.  I felt it all day.  I missed him everywhere I went.  But I marched on through armed with a fake smile and zoloft.  Anti-depressents are a wonderful thing.   I’m planning on bringing the kids into school tomorrow because I have to finish up all of the things I forgot to do today.  My brain is like mush lately.  Sometimes I’m lucky if I can finish a complete sentance.  I made it through today tho, and that is what counts.  Hopefully tomorrow will go as smoothly. 

Sam’s birthday is on Saturday.  I have his gifts, but I think it will just be a quiet celebration.  I’m not into it right now.  I feel bad, but I just can’t muster a whole lot of enthusium for anything lately.  I’m just dreading Christmas.  It’s not fair that Jeff will have to miss it.  Gosh, I miss him sooo much.  So much it almost hurts sometimes.


3 responses to “Better

  1. Just keep putting one step in front of the other! You’ll be ok. Drink more water to flush that cold out.

  2. You are so strong.

  3. Laura,
    I went and got that book I told you about and have read a lot of it. It talks about how badly grief affects the immune system and how much it affects sleep, etc. It also talks about the physical symptoms of just the grief itself – and so many of the things you talk about are described in the book. So you are totally and completely normal – not that it helps any to know that, but just in case you need to know. If there is any way for you to so something that is good to yourself, it would be so great. I know you must have so many other things to do, but if it is possible.
    You have so many people pulling for you and thinking about you.

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