I woke up this morning an dthought to my self “Oh No, today is going to be a crappy day”I was thinking that for a number of reasons:  it’s like a blizzard outside, so I was not taking the monsters to school and I figured they’d be so mad.  And.  I didn’t sleep well last night because I had two kids plus a damn cat in my bed with me.  And.   The main reason,  I had a dream about Jeff, I know all of you are thinking awe.. for sweet, but it’s not.  He always tells me what to do (kinda like he did when he was alive)  It ticks me off.  So then in the dream we stand there and “disagree” on what i should be doing, and “discuss” what i am doing wrong (he does this in the nicest way possible) for almost the whole dream.  Until the end when he hugs me and kisses me and tries to grap my ass, and then we both leave the dream feeling happy.  Until I wake up and think “what a brat, he’s not hear to help me but he still wants things doen his way”  Which is exactly like real life, so I focus on the positive (and that fact that he still wants to grab my ass) and carry on.  Some days I try and do what he tells me to and other days I say “neener, neener, neener, you can’t make me”  But today I will have a good day:

The kids are not mad at me for skipping school, in fact they are happy because all their friends are home too, thank goodness for the internet.  The little kids have been playing with the guinea pigs all morning.  They are teaching then how to go up and down the stairs and how to have babies (don’t ask), they are having fun.

I can live with out sleep, really “Yawn”

And just for the fun of it, I’ll try and clean up the kitchen, like Jeff suggested.  *sticking out my tongue at him*


5 responses to “50/50

  1. for funny! Nobody says that around here!! Thank you for saying that!

    I’m glad your Jeff is such a pest. and your kids are such cuties.

  2. I think you are doing great. You are certainly inspiring me. Your children are so beautiful; what sweet faces. I hope you have a good day. You and your family are in my prayers.

  3. Your kids are so cute they make me want to scream. Possibly the screaming though is related to the terrifying guinea pig with his glowing, evil eyes.

    PS. You won something, chica. Send me your address.

  4. I followed the Bloggess over here. I know I’m just another stranger at your door and please forgive me for that. But I am so sorry for your loss.

    You are so strong to even get up each morning. I dealt with depression when my brothers died and it sucked. I know it is nowhere near what you are going through. You are amazing.

    IMO you should keep those sheets on the bed as long as you need to. It’s not gross, it’s comforting and what you need.

    Sweet woman you are in my thoughts. If it’s not too awkward, please accept this {{{{{hug}}}}}} from a complete stranger who wishes you peace and comfort and maybe someday soon some joy.


  5. I found you from The Bloggess- just saying hi. I also want to tell you that I know a whole lot of women who have lost their husbands because of something I do at my church. I hope you have someone in real life telling you that everything you are feeling is okay . If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell some of the ladies about that great e-mail you sent about your husband enjoying his current position.

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