I have been really down lately. I’m having a really hard time fighting my way back. and I’m lazy, and it’s sooo much work to stay positive. ( Wah, wah, wah..) But I promised Jeff I would. When I was picking out what he would wear to his funeral I stashed a note in is pocket. In the note I promised him a bunch of things, things I am having trouble doing. I wish things could be easier, actually I just wish I didn’t have to try so hard. I can’t let him down, and I won’t. After today I will go back to focusing on the positive, ant little positive I can find. I promise, Jeff.
Funny side note: Ben was doing flips on my bed today and I said to him “stop it, your dad would be so mad.” Ben replied “I know, that’s why I waited til he wasn’t looking” I said “watch out because he sees everything now” And Ben cameback with “yeah, but he can’t see everything all at once” and flipped again. I love kids.
There are so many things that I wish I would have gotten to say to him, there are so many things I wish we would have done together. I really wish i would have appreciated him more. It’s really true: You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I miss him so much. There are times when it almost seems impossible that he is gone, and other times when it’s so painfully obvious that he isn’t here. I hate this!
I told Sally that when she is sleeping daddy angel sneaks in and kisses her. I hope that is true, and I hope he sneaks in and gives me a kiss tonight too. I really need it.