It’s funny how you can live everyday and “just exist”. Have good times and bad. How you can consider yourself happy with where you are in life and happy with who you are sharing your life with. I’m not talking about those fantastic love stories, I mean just the everyday kind of love, the kind of love where you can throw eachothers underware in the washer and not feel embarassed. The kind of love where morning breath doesen’t matter. That kind of love where you’ve had the ups and down and made it through, and are proud. That content kind of love, love you can count on.
And then in one instant everything changes. My life has changed. My world is different. Things that mattered before, don’t matter anymore. Whenever I see something cool I think “I’ve got to tell Jeff this” Whenever the kids are being especally cute, instead on smiling or laughing, I get sad, because Jeff isn’t able to share these moments with me. He was the only other person who loved these kids as much as I do, he was the only other person who had a personal interest in the success of these kids. He is missing out on so much. The kids have lost soo much. I am missing him so much.
It seems like everyday I get further and further away from him. Each step I take towards healing is a step away from our last days together. I struggle with that everyday. No matter how brightly the sun is shining, in will never be as bright as when I shared that light with Jeff. I miss him so much right now,
On a happier note: I’ll fill this in later, oh wait… I got it. I have COOKED supper every day this week. actually cooked, with pans, and a stove. Then I had to do dishes, which sucked. But hey, I cooked.