stupid stuff

way back when, okay a few months ago,  I loved Valentines day.  Now I am dreading it.  Valentines day makes me sad.  My Valentine isn’t here.  The whole idea behind Valentines day is okay, but why not have everyday be Valentines?  Why not celebrate love everyday?  Why not send flowers ‘just because’?  Why not be grateful and loving everyday?  I wish I would have been more grateful and more loving.  I wish I would have appreciated Jeff more, told him I loved all the time, hugged him every chance I got, I wish I would have held on and never let him go.  I miss him so much.  and it’s funny, all the little things, things that bugged me then, are the things I miss the most.  I wish I had my Valentine.  If he were here, we would have a hearts and red themed day.  For supper we’d have heart shaped pancakes, strawberries, and red milk.  Jeff and I would give the kids treats.  We’d read all those stupid hearts, and then hide them for eachother to find later.  We’d hug and hold eachother, and giggle like the kids.  We’d fall asleep in eachothers arms.  And wake up wrapped around eachother.  If only…

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5 responses to “stupid stuff

  1. Ahh honey. it’s hard when your special valentine isn’t there. Years ago, when I was single, I used to celebrate with my friends- we’d exchange thoughtful cards and maybe small gifts with each other. Maed the day, built for couples, seem a little less painful for those of us who were alone.
    Maybe celebrate with your friends, and kids? It won’t be the same, but maybe will take a bit of the edge off.

    I hope someone sends you flowers!

  2. I often want to comment, but I feel like my words are so profoundly inadequate. It probably doesn’t make you feel better, but I do thank you for the reminder to appreciate my Valentine all the more each day. Each post, your whole struggle, has really touched me and moved me. I think of you and pray for you, and I hope each day will be a little easier, a little less soul sucking.

  3. It really does suck. 😛

    Hold your babies close and see your husband’s love for you in their sweet faces. And remember to treat yourself and each other well. Buy a dump truck full of chocolate kisses and an armful of the sweetest smelling flowers you can find.

    Thank you for reminding me what is important each time I come here.

  4. That little face icon up above was supposed to be giving raspberries to your situation on Valentine’s Day. But now I think it looks more like a smiley and, well, completely inappropriate.

    ::sigh::

    Hope you know what I meant.

  5. I’ve also wanted to comment more, but never know quite what to say. I just wanted to let you know though, that you and your beautiful children are in my thoughts often.

    Wishing you peace.

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