Has anyone seen my marbles? I’m pretty sure I have seriously lost almost all of them. I don’t know when, or even where to start to look. But really, I think I need them back, and quickly.
This whole situation is FREAKING nuts! Really how in the world am I supose to to get all this stuff done? It was hard back in July when I had Jeff, and help, now all I got is a bunch of cranky kids who won’t do a damn thing unless I bribe them. If I could get frequant flyer miles based on the amount I have spent on stupid, sucking webkinz I could fly to Guam, twice! It just is Krazy! I can’t keep up. I’m bitchy and whiney and for the first time in my life I HOPE I can just blame it on PMS, because at least that will go away. It I continue to be like this for much longer I don’t know what I’ll do, I hate it when I walk around with a scowl on my face all the time. It’s just not fair. Why me?
I’m starting to avoid people because I am always so grumpy. I screen my calls. This is not me. I want me back. I keep telling myself that this move is a good thing, but really, how do I know that? Everything in my life is so uncertain. What is the best? and best for who? I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be the sole “choice maker”. I want help, I want my kids to have a dad, I want someone to share the responsibility with. I don’t want to do everything on my own, I’m not sure I can. I hate this. I want my confident, happy self back. I almost feel like the me I knew died with Jeff. I don’t know how to get her back.
My life was thrown into a blender on the day of the accident. Now it’s been dumped out on to the floor and I am left to pick out the bigger chunks, and I have to try and make them into a new life. But I don’t wanna!
This was just a huge rant, really I am okay, and I will be okay. If you do try and call and I don’t answer, it’s just because I don’t want to infect anyone else with my cranky mood. You don’t need to worry about me. Everything will be fine.