Major Rant

Has anyone seen my marbles?  I’m pretty sure I have seriously lost almost all of them.  I don’t know when, or even where to start to look.  But really, I think I need them back, and quickly.

This whole situation is FREAKING nuts!  Really how in the world am I supose to to get all this stuff done?  It was hard back in July when I had Jeff, and help, now all I got is a bunch of cranky kids who won’t do a damn thing unless I bribe them.  If I could get frequant flyer miles based on the amount I have spent on stupid, sucking webkinz I could fly to Guam, twice!  It just is Krazy!  I can’t keep up.  I’m bitchy and whiney and for the first time in my life I HOPE I can just blame it on PMS, because at least that will go away.  It I continue to be like this for much longer I don’t know what I’ll do, I hate it when I walk around with a scowl on my face all the time.  It’s just not fair.  Why me?

I’m starting to avoid people because I am always so grumpy.  I screen my calls.  This is not me.  I want me back.  I keep telling myself that this move is a good thing, but really, how do I know that?  Everything in my life is so uncertain.  What is the best?  and best for who?  I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be the sole “choice maker”.  I want help, I want my kids to have a dad, I want someone to share the responsibility with.  I don’t want to do everything on my own, I’m not sure I can.  I hate this.  I want my confident, happy self back.  I almost feel like the me I knew died with Jeff.  I don’t know how to get her back. 

My life was thrown into a blender on the day of the accident.  Now it’s been dumped out on to the floor and I am left to pick out the bigger chunks, and I have to try and make them into a new life.  But I don’t wanna!

This was just a huge rant, really I am okay, and I will be okay.  If you do try and call and I don’t answer, it’s just because I don’t want to infect anyone else with my cranky mood.  You don’t need to worry about me.  Everything will be fine.

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8 responses to “Major Rant

  1. Pingback: Major Rant

  2. Hang in there, you’ll be moved soon! : )

  3. Laura, couldn’t there be someone who could help you with the packing? I’d help, but one, I can’t take my fil’s car that far out. And two, you don’t know me, I don’t you would apprciate a stranger coming over to help you out. Hang in there, take it one day at a time. *Big hugs* Also, you need a time out for yourself, you need to get out of the house for a bit without the children. Could someone take them for a couple of hours? You need a breather.

  4. Hey Laura-
    Breathe, rant, breathe, rant, pack a box, breathe, rant… it all sucks. Absolutely screen your calls. Absolutely bribe your kids. Absolutely know that this wave will pass. My experience thus far is that because I have had ‘good’ (relatively speaking) days, I try to remember that these will come again… I wish I could be there to help you pack (even though I don’t know you from Adam, and I swear I am not stalker-y, I just think you are cool & funny, etc etc)… anyway. Hang in there, it will get better.

    ps- if hanging in there doesn’t work, I highly recommend throwing ceramic bowls across the kitchen for stress relief. Bonus points if you make sure no kids are in the way first.

  5. please add “think” between don’t and you. 😀

  6. Hang in there. I have those days with the kids and my husband is still here. I think you have a great sense of what needs to be done, and your kids will always push buttons if they can. You are funny! Your sense of humor is still there. I agree with those people above me too…

  7. whoa….this is a job for FLYLady. go check her out quick!

    But first, how about a nice cup of tea, some quiet music and lock yourself in the bathtub for a little while. Everything looks better after a time out.

    Hang in there. One step at a time. Don’t try to do it all at once. Here is a hug from a fellow blogger who spent several years as a single parent. It’s the hardest job in the world!

  8. I pray pray pray that you can get through this.

    One box at a time, one meal at a time, one day at at time.

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