It’s kind of interesting how throwing a temper tantrum can make things better. No wonder my kids do it all the time. I feel better today, I actually started feeling better last night. I managed to get quite a bit accomplished. I tried to convince myself that this was just the jungle I had to fight through before I could see the sun again. I also discovered that even in the deep jungle there are small patches of sunshine. And I found one, stopped and rested for a while and now I’m back to trudging through. I will make it through the next two weeks, I will get everything packed and organized, and then I will enjoy being back with my family. (then I can ditch the kids and finally get some “me” time) April will be a month of new beginings. April will bring us a new kind of normal. April will be a month of changes.
There are certain places here where we all feel so close to Jeff. There are places here that hold soo many memories. It will be hard for all of us to leave that behind. It’s almost like we are leaving him behind. The kids have felt that way too. They keep asking if we are bringing “dad’s this or that” My answer is always “yes, we are” I still have his basket of dirty laundry, I am so tempted to just pack it, dirty. I’m not sure what I will actually end up doing, that decison is on hold for the time being. I did pack the dirty sheets already tho. Shhh… don’t tell anyone.
Every step I take is a step further away from him. Sometimes I am proud of myself, sometimes I just cry. I know this is what I HAVE to do, sometimes I just don’t like it. But there are also times when I can be happy about it, sometimes I even look forward to it. When I dream of Jeff, I get the feeling he approves. He has told be I need to be happy. He will always be with the kids and I no matter where we are.
Focus on the positive, one day at a time.