jumping into real life

It’s odd that no matter how much you wish that things would just stay the same, they never do.  When you wish that time would just stand still, it never does. 

We are moved now, things are supose to start getting back on track, but which track?  and where is this track?  I don’t know how to start over.  I don’t know where to start.  How do I make things normal when I don’t know what that is anymore? 

I had the weekend off, it was great, but it didn’t bring me the clairity I was hoping for, it didn’t bring me the peace I was hoping to find.  I did manage to do lots of thinking.  I realize the answers are not going to just fall into my lap, I am going to have to work hard to find them.  and even after all that work, they still may not be the right answers. 

I’ll find happier things to write about next time, I promise!

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5 responses to “jumping into real life

  1. I read earlier what you wrote about feeling as though you were leaving your husband behind and now about right tracks and normal.

    I found that I left nothing behind that mattered when I left for Canada. If it’s a memory then it is attached and there is really no leaving them behind. I even found that my LH still found ways to make himself known – though that is less and less as time goes on (I think he is busy too). But being “on track” is a matter of what’s important. And “normal” doesn’t exist no matter what they tell you. If it does though, it’s not “new”. I thought that once but now I think that it’s probably better not to classify things as new vs old or before vs after. It’s just change and change would have happened anyway. It’s just not noticeable when you haven’t been through what we have.

    Glad you made it safe and sound and are in your new home.

  2. There is no way to find the answers immediately. They will come over time; you will discover them one by one. Keep your heart open and it will keep filling up with love and new experiences, while still holding the memories that are there now.

  3. You must have done a really huge step getting everything packed and moving. I do hope things will settle with the help of your family. I do not know whether this necessarily means to find all the answers. Perhaps it is more way of “just” moving forward. Hopefully joy will grow on this next part of the journey.

    Sometimes I felt that answers got clearer when I turned after a while.

    Perhaps you wish some normality. Still there is no definition for this as you state.

    I guess we only can try to face the things in front of us and do one step after the other. If the winds blow hard sometimes we even will have to turn around or find some shelter.

    Where you would like to stop the time I wish the next months to be over. But neither your nor my wish will be fulfilled.

    So I will go on thinking of you. Hoping you will have the power to do the next steps and find some healing.

    Thank you for updating this blog.

    Geertje

  4. No need for promises of happier things. I cannot tell you how similar I feel most days, even though are losses are so different. Praying at least something wonderful will fall into your lap and you’ll get a break from working so hard, emotionally and otherwise.

  5. Hi Laura, really missing Jeff this weekend. It always takes me a while for things to hit. I’ve decided to get a tattoo In his honour… A dancing Snoopy withwings. Don’t really have anyone to talk about. Him with… How can this be, with all the stuff he did why did he have to leave this world the way he did. Hope I don’t add to your turmiol, bUt feel you know what I’m feeling 10 fold.

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