Why can’t things be simple? I am so sick of drama. I am so sick of all the emotional engery I have to use to deal with drama. I just want easy, simple, and fun. I want to be carefree again. I want to relax, I want to focus on what I want. I want to do what pleases me and is not just the “right” thing to do.
The kids started school yesterday. They all did well. Sam had a major melt down when I tried to leave him. I expected this, but I wasn’t prepared to listen to his screams all the way through the school. I wasn’t prepared to see marks in my arms from where he was holding on to me so tightly. Oh, it was soo hard to leave him. Today they all took the bus to school, hopefully they will all make it safely. Hopefully school today will be drama free.
I’m exhausted. I’m drained. I’m tired.
I ponder where I’ll be this time next year. I wonder what the future holds, sometimes, if I focus on what will be, the what is isn’t so tough to deal with. Other times, I realize how truely sucky this whole situation really is, and I wonder how in the hell I have made it as long as I have. I keep thinking that if the psych ward offered free childcare I would so be a patient, I’d be first in line, camped out on the sidewalk the night before opening. But alas, I am stuck in my own little sucky reality, for now.