It’s been 5 months and 7 days since Jeff died.  I miss him, the kids miss him.  Sometimes it still feels like a bad dream, a dream that I wish i could wake up from.  I don’t know how to get back on track.  Our lives have been so chaotic for the last 5 months and 7 days.  All of us miss they way things used to be, the way things should be.  I wish, oh how I wish, but no matter how much I wish, he is still not alive.

I need to find a way to put stability and order back into our lives.  I think that once I can do this then things with the kids will settle down a bit.  Once we have more of a routine, and schedule then I will feel better.  Once we are not living out of boxes things will be easier.

I have to stop focusing on distractions and start actually doing the things that need to get done.  I need to prioritize and stick with it.  I need to make some lists, and actually do what is on the list.  Once I do this, I will feel better.  Once I get the big things out of the way, then I can have fun with the distractions.  I need to work first, and then play.

4 responses to “Reflections

  1. Only you know what is best for you and your family, but at this point, I think you could be satisfied if you are getting yourself and your kids up and dressed every day! I’ve been widowed for 13 months and don’t have any kids, and it took me over 9 months to really begin to focus and get anything done above and beyond the basic necessities. If it helps you to make lists, then make them but don’t overwhelm yourself with things to do.

  2. django's mommy

    I also feel better when I have lists, although I agree with Gayle- sometimes what’s on the lists gets overwhelming!!

    I also used to write down three things I wanted to get done the next day before I went to bed at night, and that was often helpful. They could be little things, like ‘pack a lunch for work’ or calling to make an appointment, things like that. That way I was not in danger of getting overwhelmed as much.

  3. I stumbled onto your blog from the WordPress front page. It brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, my husband makes me angry and frustrated but reading your site brings me back to reality. We never know when that last moment will be.
    I’m so sorry your husband is gone. And I wish you well with your children. Keep up the good work on your blog. And I admire your energy to move forward.
    Best wishes from me in S.C.

  4. I wish, too.
    Sending you thoughts and prayers for perseverance. You are doing a great job, don’t be too hard on yourself.

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