Looking forward…

Right now looking forward is not looking good.  Here’s what I’m facing in the next few weeks (and how I plan on making it okay):

Mother’s Day-  Jeff always made Mother’s Day such a special day for me.  This year I’m skipping it.  Then next year, now matter what I do it will be BETTER than the year before.  Makes sense to me…

May 20th-  On this day it will have been 6 months since I last saw Jeff alive.  Since I last kissed him goodbye.  I’m not exactly sure how I am going to get through this day, but I will. 

May 31st-  Is the burial up in Canada.  Because the ground was frozen when he died he’s had to hang out in a vault all this time.  There will be a grave side service with family and friends.  I am leaving the kids here in MN, I don’t think it is fair to make them go through it all again.  Heck, it’s not fair that I have to either.  I’m hoping his marker is there.  I want to see it.  I’m not exactly sure how I am going to get through this, the drive to Canada, the service, or the drive back to MN.  But I have no choice, I will because I have to.  I’m hoping it brings me peace that he will finally be in his final resting place.  sometimes life really sucks.

Father’s Day-  This will be rotten, but I have plans to take the kids mini golfing and to race go-carts.  If Jeff was with us he would love this plan.  Maybe I’ll even attempt to BBQ something on the grill.  Father’s Day is do-able. 

Aug 24th-  Jeff’s birthday.  I plan on taking the kids to WI Dells.  I think that will keep us all positive.  Or at least keep me insane enough to not be so sad.

In between all these fun events are Juli’s, Ben’s, Sally’s and Joe’s birthdays.  WooHoo (not).  I can do it, I’ll just have to use my lovely fake smile.


3 responses to “Looking forward…

  1. You’re an incredible woman.

    Do you have someone to make that drive with you?

  2. you and the kids will do fine. The dell’s is fun. we used to go every easter with some other people. it’s a few hours away from us. my dad is coming sometime this summer and wants to take the kids. your doing a great job and your kids love you, Have a great mothers day (even if you don’t want to) take care and hugs from another mom of many..

  3. I’ve found that if you fake smile enough, it might eventually turn into a real smile.

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