Who am I?

I can sit and stare at the wall for an hour, or I could if the kids would leave me alone for that long.  I don’t laugh anymore, well, I do that stupid fake polite laugh, but not the real deep laugh.  I think mean thoughts, okay I always thought about being mean, but it was only “funny” mean stuff, now it’s just mean.  I have no patience, for the kids, or for strangers, or the stupid Wendy’s drive-thu chic.

I have watch spring happen all around me and really don’t care.  I used to love spring.  I loved watching the leaves fold open and the plants pop through the soil.  This year i could care less.  I haven’t even really been outside.  Well, I did go out and ax a couple trees yesterday, but that was just therapy.  Poor trees.  *evil snicker*  (see mean thoughts)

I plot ways to get a nap.  Big elaborate plans, along with plans B, C, D, and E.  Then get frusterated when they don’t happen.  Ben cooks more than I do, but that’s an important life skill (or so i keep telling my guilty self)  I have taught Sally how to change her own diaper instead of potty training her (can that be concidered a life skill too?)  I have fantacies of hiring a nanny, a maid, and a chef (but I guess I always have)  I spend way too much money bribing the kids to leave me alone (life skill?)

Right now I am coping.  I am getting by.  Very few things bring me joy anymore, but the things that do I hold on tightly to.  I am still trying to figure out how to be both mom and dad to 5 kids.  I am still looking for normal, and still hoping it’s right around the corner. 

Good news (or not)

*Sally Anne my adorable 3 yr old can pick all of the locks in our house.

*I am still #1 when you google “naughty Laura”

*Sam can scream louder than any girl

*Joe’s hand is almost perfectly healed

*Ben starts cooking the second I leave the house, but hasn’t figured out how to clean up his mess yet.

*Joe can actually do laundry

*Juli has perfected the art of ignoring me

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One response to “Who am I?

  1. Hey you at least have a list of positives…that’s a start! Seriously, I cannot imagine being in your shoes with five kids…I think of you often and I don’t even know you! I thank God daily for my life and I pray for you and yours!

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