I can sit and stare at the wall for an hour, or I could if the kids would leave me alone for that long. I don’t laugh anymore, well, I do that stupid fake polite laugh, but not the real deep laugh. I think mean thoughts, okay I always thought about being mean, but it was only “funny” mean stuff, now it’s just mean. I have no patience, for the kids, or for strangers, or the stupid Wendy’s drive-thu chic.
I have watch spring happen all around me and really don’t care. I used to love spring. I loved watching the leaves fold open and the plants pop through the soil. This year i could care less. I haven’t even really been outside. Well, I did go out and ax a couple trees yesterday, but that was just therapy. Poor trees. *evil snicker* (see mean thoughts)
I plot ways to get a nap. Big elaborate plans, along with plans B, C, D, and E. Then get frusterated when they don’t happen. Ben cooks more than I do, but that’s an important life skill (or so i keep telling my guilty self) I have taught Sally how to change her own diaper instead of potty training her (can that be concidered a life skill too?) I have fantacies of hiring a nanny, a maid, and a chef (but I guess I always have) I spend way too much money bribing the kids to leave me alone (life skill?)
Right now I am coping. I am getting by. Very few things bring me joy anymore, but the things that do I hold on tightly to. I am still trying to figure out how to be both mom and dad to 5 kids. I am still looking for normal, and still hoping it’s right around the corner.
Good news (or not)
*Sally Anne my adorable 3 yr old can pick all of the locks in our house.
*I am still #1 when you google “naughty Laura”
*Sam can scream louder than any girl
*Joe’s hand is almost perfectly healed
*Ben starts cooking the second I leave the house, but hasn’t figured out how to clean up his mess yet.
*Joe can actually do laundry
*Juli has perfected the art of ignoring me