In one hour. It will be 6 months since Jeff died. It seems like it’s been longer, and at times it feels like it was just yesterday. Oh, how I miss him.
I really can not believe that this is my life now, how did this happen? Why did this happen? How do I make it better? Why can’t I fix it?
I wish i could flag down the waitress and say “ummm.. excuse me, this isn’t the life I ordered, take it away and bring me my happy life back” (maybe I’d even say please)
I was really hoping to celebrate making it to 6 months, or at least be proud of surviving to 6 months, but neither will be happening. All I want to do is cry and scream “WHY ME, WHY HIM, WHY DO MY KIDS HAVE TO BE WITHOUT THEIR DADDY?” Life is so unfair.
Tomorrow I will make a list of what I am grateful for.
Tomorrow I will buy the kids each a present, but not because I am trying to make up for the fact that their dad died. Okay, I am, but so what….
Tomorrow I will try and be nice to everyone, even the stupid drive-thru chic at Wendy’s.
Tomorrow I will not spend all morning planning how to sneak a nap in, instead I will load the dishwasher (and then nap)
Tomorrow… It will just be another day without Jeff. Another day in the life of ‘poor widdo me’ (heehee that was a funny, did ya catch it? poor widdo/little me..) I am grateful I still have a sense of humor, however warped it may be….