Ya know, I feel like all I do is whine and complain on here. But, so what, I can.
Question for the day is: Where do I go from here?
Now that I know everything I should be doing, how do I do it? One step a a time would be the right answer, but what if that step is too hard? What if that step puts me back into a deep dark pit? What if I fall? What if I take a step in the wrong direction? I need direction, I need someone to catch me when I fall. I need help, with what I am not exactly sure. Right now, it feels as if the only thing that will make this all better is having Jeff back. But he’s not coming back. I am on my own.
I can do this, I can succeed. It may not be pretty and it may take a while, but I can. I have already done more on my own than I ever could have imagined.
It’s funny how all the help disappears, but not until you really need it. It’s funny how after a certain point everyone things you should be “all better”. Even people who you thought really knew you.
Now, after all of this, I can walk around and see people, I mean really see people. People like me who have lost, people like me who are so sad on the inside, they have this look about them. I can pick out sad people just by looking at them. What do I do with this new found super-power? For now I just smile at them because I know they to can see the sadness behind my smile too. Maybe, with time, I’ll be able to say “hi” to these sad people, and let them know. Know what? I’m not sure yet, maybe just let them know that they are not as alone as they feel, or something. This “inside sadness” is so isolating. I hate it.
Tomorrow I will take that step, where it will lead me I just don’t know. All I have right now is hope and faith. FAITH that I will step in the right direction and HOPE that if I don’t, someone will be there to catch me before I fall too far.