I hate tough love

Tough love is so hard under regular circumstances, but under these circumstances it breaks my heart.  All I really want is to see the kids happy.  Happy kids means kissing their collective butts.  Good parents don’t do that.  Good parents make their kids behave and listen.  Good parents don’t buy their kids things, just to see them smile. 

I need to be a good parent, even if I don’t want too.  Even if it breaks my heart.  I have to be in charge.  I haven’t been a good parent for the last seven months.  The time has come.  I hope I can do it.  (and I hope the kids don’t hate me for it)

Wish me luck.

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10 responses to “I hate tough love

  1. They will love you for it.

  2. Hang on for the ride. I always say to my children that I have to be your mom first; I can be your friend but I don’t have to be your friend… I have to be your MOM!

    Many hugs to you. I have been following your blog. Your doing fine. My hubby travels nsively for his real job during the week. I rarely will mention this detail. But I know what it is like to be a “lone” parent. Not what you have had to deal with. But anyways. Hang on tight!

    🙂 Beth

  3. “Nsively” was supposed to be “extensively.”

  4. For you to come to this realization alone means you are an Excellent Mom!!! Give yourself some credit! I have 7 very good girls (if I do say so myself), and I’m not always so popular with them , but they’re older now, and it does get easier. My mother always said, “This hurts me more than it hurts you”, and now I know what she meant, and someday my kids will know, too. It’s definitely a learning experience!! You have lively, wonderful kids.. and you obviously enjoy them!

  5. I see your picture and often wonder how you and the children are doing, and remember to look at this sight. I am amazed on what a sincere, strong, beautiful person you are. When my day isn’t going so great, and happen to go see what you’ve written, you’ve no idea how it helps me! Thank you for being there for all of us even when you’re not aware. I love how your sense of humor is so great and truthful. You are doing such a great job!

  6. Laura, I know it is probably hard to see this when you are in the middle of it, but I’ve been reading your blog since early this year, and I have seen you slowly doing better. Baby steps – that’s all you can expect, but they all add up. You’ve accomplished a great deal, and deserve a great deal of credit. You have been moving in a positive direction the whole time. Your children are beautiful, and I think you have been the best mom you can be. Surely they feel this, and will continue to feel your love.

  7. I agree…I slowly see things getting better. You have accomplished a lot in a short amount of time. Small baby steps!

    We are all thinking of you and miss seeing you!

  8. You can do it!!!! And they will love you for it.

  9. They will hate you, but only for now. In the end they will love you forever no matter what you do as long as you try! Hang in there, just being a parent is tough for everyone you aren’t alone there at all! Stick to your guns and do what you know is right!

  10. I second that emotion…….My husband passed away suddenly 6 months ago on Christmas Eve. I love reading your blog and having that feeling of complete understanding. Our boys will be 5 & 7 in August and I am also struggling very much with the in charge, tough love thing. I know so much of their bad behavior stems from their anger, hurt and loss of losing their dad, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or easier on mommy. Taking care of them alone and on their best behavior is hard enough, unruly little ones (especially times 5!) just pushes it over the edge of crap I can deal with. So in the spirit of the wonderful way you write your blog…..Today I will enforce simple rules (no hitting your brother. polite requests instead of screaming demands at mommy) with normal consequences like no spongebob or video games. I will not ignore until eventually I just yell. Today I will also find somewhere on our property (we have a couple acres in Oregon) to be alone for 5 minutes (make that 10!) to breathe in the fresh air and find that connection with my husband that always gave me such strength.
    And hey even if the kids hate us for the tough love now, just think how much they’ll love us when they’re adults and see it from our perspective (though I sure hope we don’t have to wait that long!)

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