I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again… One of the hardest things about being a widow is the ups and downs. Everything can be going along all fine and dandy and then WHAM! It’s like someone punches you really hard in the stomach. Everything changes, in an instant. All those content, positive moments I’ve worked so hard for are gone and replaced with fear, uncertainity, loneliness and pain, yes, actually physical pain. Missing Jeff actually hurts.
But, I do know there is sunshine. At the end of all this, whenever that “end” may be, I know that there will be a time when I can be happy again. A time when the clouds will part for more then a few minutes at a time, a time when I will be able to bask in the warm, shining light. I have FAITH!!
I keep thinking that I was given “this” because I am supose to learn something. I keep thinking that the faster I learn what ever “it” is, then I will be able to be happy again. I have been staying “open” hoping that the lesson will come sooner than later. Then the thought occured to me that maybe I am wrong. Maybe I don’t have to learn from this, maybe this isn’t a test.
But then I wonder…. WHY???