I walked outside today and was almost instantly brought back to that day. The sharp cold air took me back to our front porch in canada. It was 5:30am, November 20th. Jeff had woken me up and pulled me to the outside to see the stars. Today I could feel that cold, I could almost feel the warmth of him standing behind me. It took my breath away. I cried as I drove into town…I cried and I reflected.
Today was the baby shower for my nephew. Which equals family…Ugh! They handed out the names for the Christmas gift exchange. After finding my name, I looked for Jeff’s. It wasn’t there. I felt like someone kicked me. It’s strange how I can be soo torn up inside, but yet outside I look fine… No one understands why or how a gift exchange list can make me feel that stab, that shock, and finally that feeling of defeat.
I do not like this…not one bit.