Day 358

…and then there are the times when I am so frusterated.  There are things that “the man” is supose to do, things that a girl just doesn’t know…  I get ticked off when there is something I can’t do, I get upset because Jeff isn’t here to save me.  Jeff can no longer make it all better.  It sucks.

I hate having to ask for help, I hate having to ask friends to carry heavy things for me.  I hate having to pay someone to fix things that Jeff could take care of in 15 mins.  I hate that my toilet has been “fussy” and no matter how much I plunge, it just isn’t enough. 

…and then I feel guilty.  Guilty because I know Jeff can’t be here.  He can’t fix my toilet, he can’t teach the boys how to shave, he can’t be here…

…And then I just cry…

Widowhood is a roller coaster of emotions.  There is no end, there is no exact time when “you’ll get over it”.  A day can start out on such a high note and then a song, a smell, a word, almost anything can turn the day into a cry-fest.  I so wish I could count on my feelings, but I can not.  I’m sick of this.

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One response to “Day 358

  1. Hi: I’m sorry for your loss. As a widow of almost five years I’ve experienced many of the same emotions. It does suck, but it’s the reality. What I learned was to do things I could reasonably do myself, and then you just ask friends/family once in a while. it’s not crime to ask for help! 🙂 Then, if there’s still something that needs a professional, if you can budget it, sometimes we just have to get that next bit of help and hire someone.

    Our emotions are up and down and yes, the littlest thing can sometimes upset what started out as a seemingly great day. It’s just the way it is, for all of us, especially in the beginning. Eventually, those down feelings will become fewer, and our lives adjust to a new “normal”, a new life that we’ve crafted ourselves. But it all takes time, and time is always on our side. I guess the best thing I can say is we can’t run away from it, we face the emotions, the hurt, don’t beat ourselves up over it, and know that joy will find it’s way back into your life again. I wish you the best. elaine

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