I want my life back…

All in all things are going pretty well, but everything is different. Sometimes it is so painfully obvious how much things have changed. My life is gone, and it’s not coming back. Things will never be like they were when Jeff was alive. I have spent the last year trying to make them be the same and have failed. I just can’t do it. (i’m having acceptence issues) I want my family back! I want to be a wife. I want to be a whole family. I want my kids to have a dad. I want to be loved. I miss it soo stinking much!

In the mean time…. kids are doing pretty well. Ben and Joe are both in high school now (ACK) Sally started kindergarten (Jeff would be so proud) Juli and Sam are doing very well. They all have friends and seem generally happy.

I wish I was.

I still have flooded Hoffman house to sell. Know anyone who wants to by a moldy house? I am still paying too much for rent. Ben needs $450 to go on the school band trip to Chicago (where is that money tree?) I am now working, fun job, but pays minimum wage, and ends in a few weeks. I still can’t get housework done. My kids still won’t eat real food, but they are growing (thank goodness for the Goodwill) I hate being bummed out! I hate being loney! I hate having to do everything BY MYSELF!!!

I want my life back…

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5 responses to “I want my life back…

  1. Whoa – an update!!! I wish I could help with that getting your life back (well sorta at least part of it). But I also look at who you have become and know that I would be somewhat the poorer if I didn’t know the you that you are now. Love you always. – Jean

  2. I’m sorry it’s hard, Laura. You stop and take a look around you, and this big huge piece is missing.

    And there’s no easy way around it.

    All you can do is roll with the punches for a while. Look around the next corner, and life will be brighter.

    I can’t tell you when it will happen, or even how. But if you keep going, you’ll get there. And that’s a promise.

    Best wishes and much encouragement from London. Spirits up.

  3. Wow, roads put my thoughts and sentiments perfectly. I”m thinking of you, Laura! Keeping on going!

  4. That longing for what we once had never goes away, does it? But somehow, we manage.

    And the fact that the kids are doing well tells me that YOU’RE doing well, even if doesn’t always feel like it.

    Take a deep breath, and one moment at a time.

  5. Alicia is right–one moment at a time. Life does get better, I promise that. It will be different–a new normal (for lack of better words), but it will get better. It is hard to explain what it is like–living with loss. I say you never get over it–you learn to live within its parameters.

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