I really hate the fact that I can be strolling along, all smooth and okay, and then WAM! Just like that, my day sucks. (maybe that’s how Nancy Carrigan felt…) I feel knocked down, totally. One little thing, the lady at the grocery store asked how me and the kids were doing. I said “well, were doing okay I guess” and then I start thinking that really, our life really sucks right now. I hate when I have to leave my little fantacy land and face reality, because really, right now, everything sucks! I wish I didn’t have to be the “poor widow with five little kids” I want to be that “fun young family that moved here from the states” again. I want to be fun, and happy, and a family. a complete family, with a dad! I feel like things are slipping away, little by little. I feel like every day is a step further away from the way we used to be, when we still had Jeff. I miss him so bad. I miss cuddling in his arms. I miss him keeping me warm at night, now all I have is a squirming 3 yr old and a damn cat in my bed. Not fair!
On a happier note: I was able to please Ben last night (well, kind of) He wanted stuffing for supper. So I fixed a gourmet meal of chicken, potatoes, and stuffing. Really it was chicken nuggets, tater tots and STUFFING! HA! Ben was not real impressed.